Lawn Turf Funnies For the Gardening Humourist

It is unlikely that many gardeners revel in the delights of lawn turf humour but as with all hobbies and recreations, there are always those little things that give rise to laughter among like minded people. Here is a small compilation that will hopefully bring a wry smile to even the most serious turf enthusiast.

Jim and Jack – The Lawn Turf Specialists

Every summer two brothers, Jim and Jack, would take it in turns to mow the lawn turf. When it came to Jack's turn one year, the mower simply broke down. Jack asked Jim to mend the mower because Jim was mechanically minded. Jim said that he would but he kept putting it off.

After a couple of weeks, Jack decided the only way to get Jim to mend the mower was to shame him into doing so. So, one day when Jim was out, Jack took a small pair of nail scissors and began cutting the turf with them in the hope that Jim would see him and take pity on him. When Jim arrived home from town he asked Jack what on earth he was doing.

"Well," said Jack, "You promised to mend the mower over a fortnight ago, and so I thought I'd better a start cutting the turf until you get round to it."

"I see" said Jim, and with that he went quickly indoors. Jack was confident his plan had worked.

A few minutes later, Jim reappeared from the house and handed Jack an electric toothbrush. Jack looked perplexed and asked Jim what it was for.

Jim said, "Well, when you've finished cutting the turf, you may as well start sweeping the paths."

Short Turf Quips

• Why is it that no matter how worn out and bare your turf becomes, grass never has a problem growing out of the cracks in your pavement?

• Your desire to mow your turf is, strangely, always slightly less than the actual size of your lawn.

• The sun is shining gloriously, the blackbirds are singing and the lawn turf mower has developed a fault and stopped working - what wouldn't you give for a perfect day in summer like this?

• Snow – the perfect way to make your turf look as good as your next door neighbour’s.

• You can always tell a gardener who doesn’t take his turf care that seriously because when he actually gets round to mowing the lawn, he comes across a lost wheelbarrow.

• What do you get when you cross a cow with some turf? A lawn mooer.

• What do you get when you cross a garden turf mower with a budgie? Shredded Tweet.

• What’s the definition of lawn turf? A flower bed in waiting.

• One gardener says to his neighbour: “When are you going to cut your turf?”. The neighbour replies: “When I’m feeling mowtivated.”

 

Rolawn Turf

Rolawn cultivate and supply high quality grass turf and are recognised as a market leading turf producer within the industry. They are the largest specialist producer of their kind across Europe and have many clients including the Royal Horticultural Society (RHS).

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